@_SirPrincess: Dear God, thank you for not giving spiders wings.
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@Reverend_Scott: [funeral] He looks so natural. Ya, but he looks a little stiff. *raises from the dead* "That's what... *gargle* ...she said." *dies again*
@jwoodham: Much like the giant panda and the snow leopard, the 20-something white girl without a wrist tattoo is now an endangered species.
@bobvulfov: Why did the thumbs-up become the universal symbol for approval? "hey let me show u my weirdest finger because i'm down with what ur saying"
@daemonic3: In a dog eat dog world, the chocolate lab is the most delicious, yet poisonous of all breeds.