@_SirPrincess: Dear God, thank you for not giving spiders wings.
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@BurroFuma: I saw an identical tweet of my joke! It was posted months before mine, so he's worse than a tweet thief; he's a time-travelling tweet thief!
@Prof_Hinkley: I was doing CPR on a co-worker for 5 minutes before someone told me that's just how she laughs
@funnyoneliners: I want my children to be independent headstrong people. Just not while I'm raising them.