@MoistPork: Dear guy sitting next to me at the bar wearing camouflage: I can still see you.
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@ProdigyNelson: [date] Me: *ok don't let her know I'm a bull* Her: "so what are some red flags for you?" Me: *sweating* "haha red flags? Where?"
@professorkiosk: Nirvana, according to most Buddhists I've spoken to, is quite literally the best alternative rock band to have ever existed.
@Ygrene: *Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman all avoiding eye contact with Aquaman as he walks in to work & sees Michael Phelps sitting at his desk*