@SaraMansford: Dear karma: perhaps we could be partners? You're doing great work, but I've identified a bunch of people you've overlooked.
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@unravelingfire: Him: [running out of burning house carrying two house plants and three Led Zeppelin CDs] I DIDN'T KNOW WHICH PLANTS YOU WANTED
@mommy_cusses: *takes picture of son putting ornament on the tree* Okay, now give that back to mommy and don't touch another one, okay?
@mlccm: Dear god, please let me have sex at least as often as adobe or java needs an update. Everyday.