@DBMaxP: Dear lady arguing w/ the clerk over whether or not it is "good" champagne: YOU ARE IN A GAS STATION!
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@radtoria: amazing how folks can pinpoint the subtle floral undertones in a glass of wine while i'm like "yo, is there mustard on this grilled cheese?"
@Mr_Kapowski: My washer and dryer are doing this weird thing where they've started shrinking my clothes and adding stubborn fat around my midsection
@BuckyIsotope: *stranded on island* *puts message in bottle and throws it into sea* *years later gets message back* what's updog? *fist pump*
@rcromwell4: Follow me on Pinterest for seasonal craft ideas and spells for summoning ancient demons.