@Jayden_Bryce: Dear makers of Axe 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner & body wash, I have no desire to buy your crap. I'm holding out until it's also a car wax.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [she comes home with a doggy bag] Her: Here, boy, I have a treat for you *sounds of the dog & I fighting to the death*
@hippieswordfish: ME: i thought i saw a new color today WIFE: wait- is this..are you.. M: but it- W: oh no M: was just- W: dont M: a pigment of my imagination