@Jayden_Bryce: Dear makers of Axe 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner & body wash, I have no desire to buy your crap. I'm holding out until it's also a car wax.
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@LittleMissZesty: So when a cat pounces on a stranger's lap and demands tickles it's "cute" but when I do it I'm "causing trouble in Starbucks" again. Jeez!
@kDuncanG: I like my women like I like my bamboo: graceful, strong, and constantly in threat of being eaten by pandas.
@lildandeli0n: I'm pretty sure Kanye West is the reason why we arent allowed to retweet our own tweets.
@OutOnTheMoors: "Comedians" don't RT because? A. Their tweets are pure gold. B. This is just a joke-tryout site. C. They know we're all funnier than them.