@MenHumor: Dear McDonald's, Thank you for not selling hot dogs. I don't think I could order a McWiener with a straight face.
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@fanofhell: I own a gun so if a robber breaks into my home and steals my stuff I can shoot all my stuff and break it so the robber can't enjoy any of it
@LEDawes: Dear sneeze, if you're gonna happen, happen. Don't put a stupid look on my face and then just leave.
@d_duhwit: Me:"But if, as the sign says, there are 'no right turns' can u really fault me for making a wrong one." Cop:"Thats deep but, yes."
@angibangie: Him: What long nails you have! Me: All the better to capture your DNA with if you murder me. *dating is easy