@MenHumor: Dear McDonald's, Thank you for not selling hot dogs. I don't think I could order a McWiener with a straight face.
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@ghostkrogh: [pearly gates] st peter: welcome everybody- *i run up and slam dunk an imaginary ball thru his halo and then hang on it like it's the rim*
@Tmoney68: Research shows vacuum cleaners can cause hearing loss. "You should absolutely get rid of that monster," said one furry, panting scientist.
@SortaSarcastic: What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don't even know what I'm doing with the rest of this tweet...
@theshamingofjay: If you're religious you dont get to pick & choose "You shall not make for yourself an idol" That Disney sticker means you're going to hell