@StatusInBeirut: Dear media: There's nothing shocking about celebrities going topless, getting drunk, or falling over. nnLet me know when they read a book.
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@Cpin42: I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards, or the cats who refuse to sign.
@EJGomez: when im having a bad day i remember a time i walked into a public bathroom&turned the lights on&heard a guy in the last stall say"thank god"
@ConanOBrien: I’m trying to convince my Seattle in-laws the new travel ban means we can’t visit them this summer.
@Baxterbix: Woke up with a hangover to the sound of my neighbor cutting the grass. He can cut around me, I'm not movin'.