@reczit: Dear messed-up memory, please tell me where are my keys instead of reminding me that shit I did on May 08, 2002 at 09;13;54 PM.
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@noog: "What sins have you committed?" Well... [20 minutes later] ... finally fit my whole fist up there. I shit you not. Father? *vomiting sound*
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: We'd have less arguments if he wasn't so pedantic THERAPIST [to me] Is that right? ME: No. It should be fewer arguments
@weismanjake: Think of how horrible Ray Rice and the NFL had to act in order to make TMZ seem like brave investigative reporters