@JennyJohnsonHi5: Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats!!! Many of you are about to be grandparents!!!
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@ch000ch: ME: my therapist told me to stop talking about people as if they weren't here THERAPIST: [rubbing temples] i know
@markleggett: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. These are the five stages of learning that Ben Affleck is the new Batman.
@zachreinert03: As I get closer to 30 I start to worry about more big picture things like famine and over population in my apartment
@LoveNLunchmeat: All of my best fantasies include a French maid. She cleans the house while I nap.