@cdncyn: Dear parents with unattended children they will be given 4 red bulls and a kazoo
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@Browneyed_mama: I think my dog goes out at night to drink with her doggie friends. At least she can't drive because that would be ridiculous.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I bet at least ONE of Leonardo DiCaprio's friends has called him Leotard. Probably Mark Wahlberg...
@SimonMaloy: TWITTER: something just isn't clicking here HORDE OF RACIST EGGS: [cacophony of immoral filth] TWITTER: eliminate the looping video service
@flyafuckingkite: When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up? This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.