@autocorrects: Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together, Hermoine went alone and got attacked by a troll.
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@thatUPSdude: Think the walk of shame sucks now, imagine doing it in the 80s in corduroy pants. Everyone heard you leaving.
@briancthayer: Be specific when saying "BYOB": [bursts into house] Hey, I brought beers! *7 pastors wives shut their Bibles disapprovingly*
@DanMentos: me: *rubs lamp* genie: I will grant you three wishes me: can you go away I’m rubbing this lamp