@Maui_Speaks: Dear person who just turned in your resume with no name or phone number. You didn't get the job.
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@slimmy_shady: Cop: Are you drunk or high on drugs? Me: No officer. Cop: Your pupils are dilated. Me: (Paranoid) WHA!, how'd you know I teach fat kids?!
@KrangTNelson: ME: [brutally murdered by police for no reason] MEDIA: Man Involved in Yesterday's Curfuffle Had Troubling History of Pot Use and Cursing
@_NTFG_: I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn't in a band anymore and starts yawning by 9pm and just wants to be home drinking tea.
@vrunt: please god what the hell did i do to deserve all this *flashback to 12 years ago when i threw a flashbang at my own team in CounterStrike*