@Maui_Speaks: Dear person who just turned in your resume with no name or phone number. You didn't get the job.
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@ojedge: [1st date] [to self] Don't let her know ur a boa constrictor Her: "How's your meal?" [i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table]
@Juven_Naidoo: Couch: $300 TV: $1000 Chips: $3. The look on your face when you don't have electricity: Priceless
@AbrasiveGhost: [Opens a beer at the park] "Dude. There's kids here." Oh shit how rude of me. [turns] IF YOU KIDS WANT SOME BEERS THEYRE IN THE COOLER