@Maui_Speaks: Dear person who just turned in your resume with no name or phone number. You didn't get the job.
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@EyeSeeYou619: "Screw it, I'm a mermaid now" ~ me, after accidentally putting both legs in the same side of my goddamn sweatpants
@polite_good_boy: DOG: woof ME: you wanna go outside? DOG: [wagging tail] woof woof! ME: ok just a second DOG: [pulls a gun] woof [gestures to door] woof