@MommaUnfiltered: Dear Snapchat, I don't care what I look like as a strawberry, just give me a filter that makes me look like I showered.
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@Kyle_Lippert: Give a man a fish & he'll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That's weird" Teach a man to fish & he'll be all "Again with the fish?"
@Sassafrantz: [takes a sip at wine tasting] Ah yes, this is nice. You can really taste the wet dog and Code Red Mountain Dew.
@Sean_Burgundy_: My gf always tells me to shower her with compliments, but when I woke her up with the hose while calling her beautiful she yelled at me
@Kirangandhi: Was feeling particularly adventorous today.so decided to jump off a moving train.now hav to buy my nephew a new train set