@MommaUnfiltered: Dear Snapchat, I don't care what I look like as a strawberry, just give me a filter that makes me look like I showered.
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@Manali_Shetye5: Him:The seven dwarves were on a bus, they all started to feel Sleepy. So Sleepy got off. Me:Oh come on, man! That pun was Dopey!
@trojansauce: [after raking leaves into a pile on my lawn] ME: ah, perfect. these leaves are all tidy and there is nothing that can change this
@_davidlucas_: *At the ouija board* Me: Err... mom? Can't we just... Ouija board: A-N-D A-N-O-T-H-E-R T-H-I-N-G
@JillianKarger: me at 7: I wanna be a marine biologist when I grow up! That or a ninja, prolly both me at 29: I don’t know how to wash dishes without getting my shirt all wet