@OutOnTheMoors: Dear USA: Having seen most of your potential candidates, please ditch elections and try the sword-in-the-stone method of choosing a leader.
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@thepunningman: Dr: your father is real sick Woman: [sobbing] how long? [her dad wheelies past on a bmx] Dr: almost six yards that time
@StarWarsProblms: Kylo Ren: Hey, why is my paycheck so low? General Hux: Damages. Maybe you should stop throwing temper tantrums with your lightsaber.
@Marlebean: "I should probably start filling this thing out." -I say about my son's baby memory book on his wedding day.
@ImFordTough: Pretty awesome how you can buy chocolates on February 13th and everyone assumes you have a girlfriend & not a grudge w/ your neighbor's dog.