@bobsin: Death is not the end.
You still have to dispose of the body and hide the evidence.
@bourgeoisalien: The number one cause of depression in people over 30 is hearing co-workers resentfully sing, "Happy Birthday" just to get cake.
@kelkulus: Girls hate it when you give them Christmas presents with an implied expectation, like an iron, a food processor, or knee pads.
@toomanytoes: Cat burglar: Quietly steals all your valuables
Dog burglar: Eats your ham, sleeps in bed with you for awhile, wakes you up to go out at 3am
@briangaar: "Tom Brady did nothing wrong" is Boston's "The Confederate Flag isn't really about slavery."
@PabloGSerski: When I was a kid. I used to come home drunk & beat my Dad.