@bobsin: Death is not the end.
You still have to dispose of the body and hide the evidence.
@MatCro: GF: I'm moving out if you don't stop pretending you work at a supermarket.
ME: Ok. Do you need any help with your packing?
@Gott_Partikel: Buying a life insurance policy is best way to pretend that you have a life.
@brianbowman73: Sorry I said your cat was ugly.
Oh, and sorry for thinking your baby was a cat.
@ElizaBayne: Find out if the NSA is listening to your call by singing SWEET CAROLINE and if more than one voice responds with bum bum bum THEN YOU KNOW
@Jeffwni: [1st date]
Me: I've got crabs
[back home looking at my fish tank]
"It's all right guys, one day I'll find one who'll like you"