@bobsin: Death is not the end.
You still have to dispose of the body and hide the evidence.
@TheMichaelRock: Kinda rude of my neighbors to be burning leaves before I had a chance to blow mine into their yard.
@drinksmcgee: Dog Lawyer: And what crime have you been accused of?
Owner Defendant: Buying vegetarian "bacon" treats.
*dog jurors howl in disgust*
@WheelTod: Any time I see a dog in a baby stroller I assume the dog has somehow established dominance & the baby is back at home stuck in a kennel.
@johnbiehl: Enrique Iglesias wants to
1. Be your hero
2. Kiss away your pain
3. Stand by you forever
Enrique Iglesias is your mother
@stats_canada: 85% of Canadian moms need you to fix their computer this afternoon