@GabbbarSingh: Death metal fans are complaining abt all the noise. Irony.
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@fuzzlime: *finally gets comfortable with you* *starts whispering in your ear* "oooo baby I can recite all my phobias in alpha order"
@AmishPornStar1: Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
@TheToddWilliams: [School band tryouts] ME: They say I have perfect pitch TEACHER: Oh really? Show us what you got *I throw a baseball right into the tuba*