@TheAlexNevil: Decades have gone by and STILL my parents have not given back the Halloween candy they took from me "for safe keeping".
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@Pro_Jones_: Me: *wakes up screaming* Wife: What's wrong? Me: Nightmare with the Microsoft Word Paperclip Helper again Wife: Need some help? Me: AHHH
@TheMichaelRock: I have been reporting moms on Facebook who brag about how perfect their lives are as fake news.
@Xoolun: I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit. And all I did was sign up.