@rolldiggity: Decades of video games have left me WAY too confident in my ability to break open a wooden crate.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: shoutout to Disney for giving me unrealistic expectations about love, talking animals and my singing voice
@JasonLastname: Go into a bathroom stall and write: "For A Good Time Call Your Mother. She Misses You & Enjoys Hearing Your Voice."
@mortimermaiden: I'm peacefully fishing when I notice a ham sandwich on the seat beside me. I pick it up and am dragged to the deep as a salmon reels me in.