@rolldiggity: Decades of video games have left me WAY too confident in my ability to break open a wooden crate.
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@justabloodygame: [commercial for Facebook] *man sits in tree, watching friends from high school through binoculars* "Don't you wish there were a better way?"
@TheRobCee: #1 complaint of armored car drivers? People they talk to along the way ending the conversation with "...and you can take THAT to the bank!"
@rzarosco: Ask a girl if she wants to dance. If she says yes then start shooting at her feet. Congratulations you are now Yosemite Sam
@rumsnipe: Mechanic : your motor is losing power and it won't last long. Me : you been talking to my wife bro?