@ItsAndyRyan: Decaf means something is very, very Dec.
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@meatlobes: *waits for you to fall asleep* *rolls out from under your bed* *moisturizes your knees and elbows*
@WilliamRodgers: I "accidentally" washed my cellphone once, and my wife has never let me do laundry again.... Yeah Accident
@iamopeimu: My Ex works in a pharmacy,so whenever i want to spoil her mood I wil just go there and buy condom for no reason sometimes i go 3 times a day
@JohnLyonTweets: Me: I'll drink to that! Person who brought me to church: [whispers] We usually just say "Amen."