@ItsAndyRyan: Decaf means something is very, very Dec.
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@sixfootcandy: Kidnappers: We have your husband. Send us $10,000 if you ever want to see him again. Me: Where I should drop off his clothes?
@Maxine12333: Woke at 2 AM to a strange male voice telling me to accept god. Storm knocked out power at 7 and I forgot to turn off TV - thought I'd died.
@Vodkantots: If I were really famous, I wouldn't even need body guards. These maxi pads promise me 10 hours of protection, each.
@panthersblondie: Me: Do you love me? 13: Silence Husband: if you don't tell your mother you love her we are going to make out at your next soccer game.