@ozzyunc: Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
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@david8hughes: [ultrasound] Dr: your baby is 7mm in length Me [whispering to wife]: ask him Wife [sighs]: what is that in fruit sizes?
@MattMcC1: "We run a tight ship" barked the captain, his shoulders barely getting thru the doorway "Real tight." he turns sideways to fit down the hall
@imdaintyaf: [Weasel & mink are cuddling, watching a nature documentary] Narrator: ...the mink, a close relative of the weasel Weasel: Oh no Susan oh god
@Billhenry16: I buried a time capsule when I was 9. This is the year we are going to dig it up. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got.