@TheMichaelRock: December 23rd should be called Christmas Adam since it always comes before Christmas Eve.
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@ThaJawn: Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Me: I'm hyper observant Interviewer: You have mustard in your beard Me: Oh..
@felixoshea: If Superman were a realtor, he could describe literally any apartment in the world as 'a stone's throw from the beach'.
@LuckoftheDraw86: God invented co-workers to remind us that dying alone wouldn't be such a bad thing.
@ilovepie84: "When I'm done shitting on your car I'm going to watch your wife undress through her window"-Birds