@TheMichaelRock: December 23rd should be called Christmas Adam since it always comes before Christmas Eve.
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@AmericanGent69: Saying "oh my gosh you're getting so big!" is cute and acceptable to say to a 6 year old. Not so much to an ex-girlfriend.
@ValeeGrrl: Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Your resume says you're paranoid." Me: "My resume has been talking behind my back?"