@KentWGraham: Decided not to waste $300 on obedience training after watching my dog bark at a shovel on the patio for 10 minutes.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@wesjohnson8: The trouble with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.
@runninforwine: Mom said I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up. So I became sarcastic.
@trevso_electric: Gum commercials exaggerate your odds of kissing a complete stranger in public by 780,000,000%
@carlyken: My favorite part of football is when players "look to God." Because He's all, "I can't do shit for the Middle East but I'm rooting for YOU."