@VintageBabe1212: Decided to stop partying at friends houses who have toddlers... Those childproof bathroom doorknobs are absolutely hell to open while drunk.
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@lisaxy424: It doesn't matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.
@TheMichaelRock: Pregnant white women over 30 always buy the biggest SUV around, because you never know when you'll give birth to half of a baseball team.
@joeljeffrey: I skipped leg day at the gym, but don't worry I balanced it out by skipping arm day, chest day, ab day, and back day so I'm good to go.