@bornmiserable: Deck the halls. Kick the windows. Strike the doors. Pummel the chandeliers. Clog the toilets. You will defeat this house.
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@DanMentos: "Ed's Plumbing" Hi I think an engagement ring is stuck in my toilet "ok when did your lady drop-" She didn't "Sir?" I hid it in her dessert
@EJGomez: dating tip #4: when meeting her brother for the 1st time make sure when he goes for the handshake u kiss him on the lips to assert dominance
@CVTBaby: You know how you have that ONE hoodie that no matter when or what you're eating -- you ALWAYS spill something on it? It's cuz you're a pig.
@shariv67: People used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a standup comic. Well, no one's laughing now. Wait.