@whtedaisy: Decks. Because I like to be outdoors, but not like all on the ground and shit.
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@GothikRokkit: Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Google asks where I am. The internet has turned into my girlfriend.
@XplodingUnicorn: I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter’s forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: 16 yr old nephew bought me a Miley Cyrus CD. He said "Listen to it, it'll change your mind. It did change my mind. I used to like my nephew.
@ComedicBust: As the house burned down, my wife asked me to grab the photos, but she didn't say our wedding ones. Anyway, here's my dog and I wearing hats