@dance_blessed: decorating my apartment
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@wittwitbarista: Ever notice how pathetically lonely you are when the person in the next bathroom stall completely ignores your knock knock joke?
@yonewt: My wife's signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer.
@KentWGraham: Given the American diet, don’t you think we’d have greater success locating missing children if we put their faces on liters of soda?