@JermHimselfish: Def Leppard are a bunch of liars. I poured some sugar on a girl one time and it was a complete mess, she was not happy at all.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [guy next to me at urinal] "Is that a 5 or 6?" ...about 5-1/2 I guess. "Really? (looks at iPhone on my hip) Can I see it?" *zips up* No.
@CauseWereDads: "Dad, lil bro pooped on the floor!"nMe: Ok, just like we practiced. I'll hide in garage, you go tell Mommy. This convo never happened! GO!
@GrantTanaka: wife: [talking & making baby noises at cat] me: you must be bored af wife: no I'm not me: I was talking to the cat