@YesThatAmy: Define "no more Twitter or I will leave you."
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@YeahDrewisOn: Her: I can't believe you slept with her! Me: WE WERE ON A BREAK! Her: I just went to the store to buy bread! Me: Longest six minutes ever
@Jn1fer: *Writes "For a good time call" on random gas station bathroom wall *adds work phone number *Gets excited about work today
@girl_a_whirl: *pulls away from kissing, stares intently into his eyes Your eyes are like pools of melted chocolate Him: U started your diet, didn't u
@Godhatespants: Him: drink? Me: I have a boyfriend Him: I have a goldfish Me: What??? Him: I thought we were talking about shit that don't matter