@suruhh: delete cookies? WHY ON EARTH WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?! I LOVE COOKIES.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [in bed] Her: *seductively whispering* in the mood for a midnight snack? Me: *Oreo crumbs all over my face* I'm way ahead of you
@MichaelTrying: The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*
@aaronpaul_8: Joe: Yes, that was me. Obama: Please stop. Joe: I will not stop. This room will smell so bad when he gets here. Obama: Joe... Joe: Nope.
@djdarrellripley: Me: Pfft.. There is scientific evidence that a woman's brain is lighter than a man's. Her: Perhaps because it gets more exercise.