@ozzyunc: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, & acceptance: the five stages of watching them put lettuce on your sandwich at Subway.
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@KimDotcom: "The problem with quotes on the Internet is that they're not always accurate." - Albert Einstein
@KKAlThani: My iPod started crying after I dropped it. I said "You'll be okay, stop syncing about it". We laughed & made jokes about Microsoft together.
@ArfMeasures: DOCTOR: At a guess, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: Hardly any D: That's excellent ME [swigs vodka] But I'm a terrible guesser
@pinupteacher: [blind date] "Oh wow, I see you brought your Legos." *huge sigh* LEGO. It's called Lego.