@Dutch_50: Denied candy because I "didn't wear red". Kicked out of the office because I "didn't wear pants". I'm tired of these Valentine's Day rules.
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@brittwastaken: "Why don't you love me anymore?" I sob as I gather my belongings. "Is it because of the kleptomania?" I cry as I put your cat in my purse.
@Sassafrantz: "911, what's your emergency?" Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past me while I was folding my period underwear.