@Smethanie: Dermatologist asked why I want my tattoo removed and looked at me like no one's ever said "because it's my ex's Twitter handle" before.
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@justabloodygame: "Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!" The parole board chants, as I enter my hearing. This was not a good sign.
@Adar79Angie: Him: What gets you hot, baby? Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent. H: Zoinks, like, there's a ghost! Let's get out of here Scoob! M: *swoons*
@iRowlf: Air Bud trembles in fear after the opposing team drapes a basketball jersey over a vacuum cleaner and puts it on their starting lineup.
@Death_Buddy: Optimus Prime: AUTOBOTS, ROLL OUT. Me: *walks downstairs* where the hell is my toaster and microwave?