@michael_raphone: [describing a chair] it's like a swing without all the drama
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@3sunzzz: What did watching Cinderella teach us? 7yo: It taught us that if she had been wearing sensible shoes, she would still be scrubbing floors.
@Carbosly: No thanks, fantasy football. I already have a fantasy boyfriend, a fantasy sex life & a fantasy bank account. I'm good.
@genehunter1: After the delicious brownies have all been consumed following my funeral, a video of me will inform everyone that they just ate my ashes.