@michael_raphone: [describing a chair] it's like a swing without all the drama
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@upsidedowntrash: I get home and realize where my house stood a shark now sits dressed as a house with its mouth open Shark:[nervously makes house noises]
@Matt_The_1st: Me: "Hey doc, what's that condition where you wake up and everything hurts?" Doctor: "40"
@oakhillbargrill: Spreads legs... Nope Spreads two other legs .... Nope Spreads two others .... Dammit, no Spreads last two.... BINGO!! - spider sex