@rickolantern: Describing a female colleague to your GF, saying "you know, the hot blond" is conducive to sofa sleeping.
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@Death_Buddy: *gets down to snails level* IF YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE TRYING TO GET TO THEN I CAN HELP YOU GET THERE FASTER.
@Home_Halfway: Raccoons wearing tiny little glasses, digging through trash and carefully reading nutritional information of any food items they find.
@Dawn_M_: Nothing sexier than when a man pulls you close, looks deep into your eyes, and puts a Babybel in your mouth.
@KeetPotato: guy at seaworld: "it's a cross between an eel and a shark, we're asking everyone to pick a name for him" wife: "steve" me: "sharkeel o'neal"