@rickolantern: Describing a female colleague to your GF, saying "you know, the hot blond" is conducive to sofa sleeping.
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@A_SmartAss: I googled "where do ninjas live?" no results were found. Well played ninjas. Well played.
@hythemafia: Scanned a customer in the eyes with a barcode reader for being rude to me.... ...should have seen the look on his face, it was priceless
@juliussharpe: Fun tip - instead of going on vacation with a baby, stand outside until you're sunburned, then light $1,000 on fire.