@AbbyHasIssues: Despite evidence to the contrary, I still maintain typing louder and harder will magically make my incorrect password correct.
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@UncleDuke1969: Wife: It's time for a vacation. Me: Where do YOU want to go? Wife: Hmm... Maybe the Bahamas? Me: Great idea! And, I'LL go camping upstate!
@GFGander: People need to learn how to record their name on a voicemail system. "You have one new voicemail from... *heavy breathing* Toooooooddddd"
@hellohappy_time: [at deli] me: I'll take a platonic male friend that doesn't treat me like their manic pixie therapist lady: we have cole slaw me: ok
@SondraDeeMe: [sex in car] ME: Remember when you could do this without fear of strangers watching? BF: Yes UBER DRIVER: Would you like a water?