@AbbyHasIssues: Despite evidence to the contrary, I still maintain typing louder and harder will magically make my incorrect password correct.
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@AndyAsAdjective: Oh sweet embrace of morning, envelope me in your welcoming arms & brightly shine on this glorious GODDAMMIT! WHO DIDN'T FLUSH THE TOILET?!
@mollzbenn: It's amazing how much you can get away with by wearing an orange vest and a hard hat. I've been digging a hole in this Forever 21 for hours.
@EricGoldie: Apparently "some assembly required" is IKEA for "here's a beech tree and some nails."
@simoncholland: My daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she's either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services.