@peetiesays: Diamond engagement rings are so last year. Ask for her hand in marriage by presenting her with a full tank of gas.
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@gwatts77: A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
@Marlebean: I'm nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.
@jonnysun: [taking atendance] teacher: jimmy jimmy: here teacher: susie susie: here teacher: (sighs) omnipresemt sentinel omnipresent sentinel: ａｌｗａｙｓ
@TheBoydP: Coworker: Did you spank your sons? Me: Not a lot Coworker: What about your wife? Me: Yes, I spanked her all the time Coworker: ...