@badsandwich: Diarrhea is too hard to spell so I call it crapplesauce
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@suzieQ0007: People with stick figure families on their car: Oh look how cute we are! Criminals: I'll need 3 rolls of duct tape.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Parenthood is where you spend 18 years saying no all because of that one critical time you said yes.
@iAmDelFreaky: I was overcharged by a plumber! So, I've been secretly training a gorilla to roll barrels at people. Tomorrow, we're kidnapping his girl.