@badsandwich: Diarrhea is too hard to spell so I call it crapplesauce
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@GabbbarSingh: People with Swiss bank accounts are often confused between their Bank balance and the Back Account number.
@AndyAsAdjective: [my 1st day at press conference sign language translator job I lied on my résumé to get] ME: *does Madonna's Vogue choreography for 45 min*
@yoyoha: If I was a marriage counselor I would just make the couple look at a dating website for 20 minutes.