@badsandwich: Diarrhea is too hard to spell so I call it crapplesauce
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@pakalupapito: Alarm Clock: a device that wakes up almost everyone in the house except for the person who had set it.
@Book_Krazy: OUR KID WAS SOAKING WET WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIM HOME FROM SCHOOL! Me: [water pouring from backseat] Listen, this car pool thing was your idea
@MensHumor: I would like to thank Tetris for providing me w/ the skills to jam as many dishes as possible in my dishwasher.