@summerofbenny: Did a little math tonight. Need to do 3,527 hours of cardio to get down to my ideal weight by summer, and not consume any calories.
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@zwina_summer: My husband asked me why I never blink during sex, I told him there just isn't enough time.
@Rollinintheseat: If you don't call your spouse "wonderful" when you're on a game show, you're legally required to get a divorce at the end of the show.
@PopSlapFunk: 5: "Dad, to be the man of the house, you need to wear pants." Me: ... 5: ... Me: "It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Job's all yours."
@krisv_723: Carol learned a hard lesson the day she forgot the word berry when googling blueberry waffle recipes.