@summerofbenny: Did a little math tonight. Need to do 3,527 hours of cardio to get down to my ideal weight by summer, and not consume any calories.
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@TenaciousGrace_: Part of me says, "I can't keep drinking like this." While another says "Don't listen to her, she's drunk."
@WheelTod: My 4yo asked me where people go when they die. I told her: "I don't know, but it wouldn't hurt to check under your bed last thing at night."
@KattsDogma: Cop: license & registration Magician: Check this out *levitates license* Cop: I see. Your license is suspended. Check THIS out *$75 ticket*
@notacroc: [alternate universe where jesus christ's name was jeffy spaghetti] ME: *hears some horrible news* jeffy spaghetti