@Brianhopecomedy: Did a somersault for the first time in years. I know that's not a good tweet but I'm getting bored lying here waiting for the paramedics.
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@GrandadJFreeman: Girls are like police. Even when they get a hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you...
@internetluke: Me (to a baby): Hush little baby don't say a word. Momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird Mom: like hell I'll buy that kid anything..
@WilliamAder: While I fully intended to "sleep my way to the top," it appears I've napped my way to the middle.
@goldengateblond: My neighbors have both a howling dog and a screaming baby out in their yard. I'd throw a rock or something but I'm afraid I'd hit the dog.