@SeanINCypress: Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
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@kevinrowe1: My wife doesn't mind me flirting with other women. She finds the rejection quite entertaining.
@WheelTod: At a concert if the band asks "How's everyone feeling tonight" I'm like maybe we shouldn't have built our country on an Indian burial ground
@Book_Krazy: 911 What's your emergency Me: I'm calling to complain about the quality of this cocaine 911: The police are on their way Me: Thanks
@JohnLyonTweets: Shout-out to smartphones for eliminating tedious tasks from our lives like reading books or watching the road when we drive.