@1_swarthy_dude: "Did anyone else's house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices..........oh U2?"
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@Elizasoul80: I'm gonna hire a person to speak at my funeral and say a bunch of crazy stuff about me so my friends and family think I had a secret life.
@UnicornSyrup: I want my remains to be scattered all over the beach when I die. Also, I don't want to be cremated.
@markleggett: My views are my own, although they're heavily based on some stuff Jon Stewart said on TV last night, and the general vibe of the internet.
@lazy_joe_: "Yes, waiter, why does it say "there ain't no rats in it" next to the lasagna?": Cause there ain't no rats in it "But why woul AIN'T NO RATS