@1_swarthy_dude: "Did anyone else's house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices..........oh U2?"
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@bingowings14: As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.
@jordan_stratton: *makes eye contact with beautiful woman across fancy restaurant* Waiter, send that woman a glass of your finest Sprite.
@Book_Krazy: Hub: Let's go see a movie Me: Ok. How bout this one? *points* H: Why do we have to see a movie with subtitles? I didn't do anything wrong.
@LostFelicia: Hey y'all, I finally got a smart phone. I'm a big girl now! Anyone got a 5 year old I can borrow to teach me how to use the damn thing?