@bjaynash: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.
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@nerdreign: If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
@TheDairylandDon: If you wear a ship's captain's hat around, people will just do what you say. I run a Starbucks, a Target, a submarine, and two street gangs.
@Sickayduh: Dealer: You followed? Geologist: No man. Its cool. *dealer opens trenchcoat and metamorphic rocks fall out Geologist: Gneiss... Gneiss
@Brampersandon_: MOM: putting him in sports was a bad idea DAD: yup ME (in right field wearing my cup on my face): hey coach look at me I'm Bane lol