@bjaynash: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@PaperWash: I'm sorry son, but autocorrect keeps changing your name to Marty. That's your new name now, there's nothing we can do about it.
@flashember: [Alligator feeding at the zoo] Me: Hey let me do it Keeper: 1st time? M: Heck no *alligator takes me by the arm* I WAS JUST BRAGGING SAVE ME
@senderblock23: "I heard low winter sun is pretty good." - low winter sun from behind a bush trying to throw it's voice
@iwearaonesie: me *sneezes* cw: Bless you me *sneezes* cw: Allergies? [flashback to me snorting pepper because my kid dared me to] me: Yeah, I guess so