@SunshineJarboly: Did you ever ask your parents what went wrong, people named Lasagna?
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@BoogTweets: Me: *violently swinging a stick* these piñatas are getting harder to hit Zip line park owner: Hello 911? He’s back again
@FrankTheDoorman: 97% of scientists believe climate change is man-made and causes rising sea levels of oceans. The other 3% believe Frank Ocean is an ocean.
@ghostkrogh: mob boss: stick his body in the compost pile me: wha mob boss (grabbing my collar intently): we might be killers, but u only got one earth
@AbrasiveGhost: HER: do u have a condom ME: u bet [whistles] [an eagle flies thru the window & drops off a cat] H: holy shit M: ya sometimes he brings cats