@SunshineJarboly: Did you ever ask your parents what went wrong, people named Lasagna?
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@elvisknievil: If you ever need 15 minutes of peace and quiet from texting, tell her to send a selfie.
@AbbyHasIssues: "Well-behaved women seldom make history," I whisper as I don't wait the full ten minutes for the oven to preheat.
@jwoodham: Welcome to college! Here's a list of our majors. Here's a list of majors that lead to unemployment. As you can see, both lists are the same.
@El_nacho_Nigre: My life would be so much better if I could use a smokebomb to conceal my escape after being turned down by a girl.