@TheDairylandDon: Did you ever see someone yawn, and then yawn yourself? That psychological reaction is a phenomenon known as: "Katherine Heigl movies."
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@Coops_Bradley: That's a really big gun in your pants. And that's how you get out of a speeding ticket.
@Brianhopecomedy: I checked my phone while I was mowing the lawn and now we don't have a garden.
@UncleBob56: Nurse: What happened to your FINGERS? Me: You know those chefs who cut up vegetables real fast? N: Yes? M: I can't do that.