@gingerfaced: Did you ever think about ten years ago you'd be saying.. "I really hope this is a chick I'm talking to".
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@Nahdude83: I was thinking about robbing this sperm bank, but I think they've already seen me coming.
@supershayne: [Award Speech] Me: I wanna thank my mom, who I know is watching me from up there. *I kiss my hand and point to the sky* The crowd looks to see my mom doing circles in a parachute thousands of feet above Mom: PROUD OF YOU SWEETIE!
@NotthatAdamWest: "Dear God, make me a bird, so I can..." *turns into penguin* "DAMMIT I WASN'T FINISHED!"
@Coops_Bradley: Good luck to the 13 year old girl who is pregnant and wrote "California" for ethnicity on her clinic forms.