@DrawingShadows: Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
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@ashleyaustrew: If you love someone, set them free. If they cry and refuse to leave the bathroom you're in, they're your kids.
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Stop spending all our money ME: Okay, fine [later] WIFE: *visibly angry* WTF? ME: *zooming by on a new Segway* RELAX KAREN, I STOLE IT
@donni: Stop saying "There's plenty of fish in the sea." I'm sick of fish seducing all our human women!
@TheAlexP: Don't you hate when you do something out of the kindness of your heart & someone gets upset because you shoved a pack of gum in their mouth?