@mostlydelirious: Did you fall from heaven? Because you look like Satan.
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@ColesTwitt3r: i am fine with my casket + dead body being dug up by grave robbers as long as they do it in the style of an unboxing video
@Jacob_Swift16: You know you're the family addict when it's time to light birthday candles & everyone looks at you knowing you have a lighter in your pocket
@DanMentos: [first date] *pointing indiscriminately* "uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees