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@mostlydelirious: Did you fall from heaven? Because you look like Satan.
@meganamram: It was definitely Adam and Steve - what kind of straight man hangs out in a garden??
@alldrolledup: A Post-It note on every wine bottle at home that just says DON'T CUT YOUR HAIR AGAIN THAT WAS BAD
@just1fool: Autocorrect changed, "Felt good right?" to "Hours of delight" so I sent it because it's not my lie at this point.
@PinkCamoTO: Hey, boy. Are you a Swiss army knife?
Because you're a smaller, less effective version of everything I need.