@msdanifernandez: Did you guys hear about the football player who hits women? No the other one. No the other one.
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@SteveKoehler22: If you use a wrong word in a tweet and a grammar nazi loses his shit- Try these consoling words : "Their, there, they're. It'll be okay"
@hippieswordfish: THERAPIST: how do you feel ME: with my hands THERAPIST: no, like on the inside ME: ohhh...idk probably kinda squishy and weird
@Sarcasticsapien: I like how when you pull down on a paper towel dispenser you either get half a paper towel or half the roll.