@msdanifernandez: Did you guys hear about the football player who hits women? No the other one. No the other one.
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@shutupmikeginn: The Whole Foods next to this movie theater is perfect if you want to sneak in your own snacks, but don't want to save a lot of money.
@LuvPug: A good friend will delete your browser history for you, but a best friend will make your chalk lines smaller
@TEXASVETERAN: I just swallowed my record player's needle and nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happe
@notfaizzy: Me: hello, police? I think I'm living with a murderer! Last night, she came home with a body... Crap! She just came in. Cat: *meow*