@omgthatspunny: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
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@GerryMcBride: Judas: The one I kiss is Jesus Christ. Soldier: You can just point to him. Judas: (putting on lip-balm) I don't tell you how to do your job.
@LuvPug: So I was all like Gal-lee-lay-oh And he was all --- And I was Gal-lee-lay-oh And he was --- And that's when I knew it wasn't gonna work out
@VirgoSherry: A co-worker just used the word "elderly" to describe someone my age and that's why I had to kill her.