@Shanehasabeard: Did you know a hummingbird has to consume half its body weight in sugar every day and that I don't have to do that but I still also do that?
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@audipenny: [speaking very loudly to no one trying to impress someone nearby] Man what am I going to do with all these hens
@bingowings14: First they came for the people who loaded the dishwasher incorrectly & I did not speak out. Because they do my head in.
@tastefactory: *ring ring* Hello? "If u want to see ur son again give me $500,000" OH GOD PLEASE DONT HURT HIM "I won't if u-" Haha gotcha, leave a message
@Jake_Vig: Women never find it devilishly charming when I follow them into the lady's room. Thanks a lot, "Top Gun".